The Victory Cottage Garden
2 days ago
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Mental Note For The Future: Grandparenting
When I have grandkids I will try to be considerate of what shape I send my grandkids home after they come to stay with me. I will apply boundaries so that when they go home they do not think it's OK to climb on top of furniture. I will feed them at appropriate meal times and not give them too much crap before bed or nap time. I will not let them sass me cause I love them to bits and think it's cute and want me to be their favorites?!?! I will also try very hard to be involved but not an over bearing mother-in-law that wishes the grandchild was mine, mine, mine. I will respect the parents parenting style and try to utilize their style of discipline when I see fit. I will NEVER, I mean NEVER compete with my children's gift giving and I will NEVER manipulate my grandkids when they are away from their parents in an attempt to get them to love me more than anyone else. Just because you are a grandparent does NOT mean it's a free for all, spoiling is a given BUT it creates more agony for EVERYONE especially their dear little grandchild when they have no boundaries in your care. Period.
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11 comments:
AMEN!! I couldn't agree with you more. My MIL & I struggle over this regularly. She got very upset with my over Christmas because my daughter was throwing a fit & I made her sit in her chair rather than let her go to my MIL for comfort. My kid, my rules! Like you, I expect some spoiling. But don't undermine me & don't teach my kid to ignore my rules.
My parents are wonderful about letting my siblings & I discipline our kids. They acknowledge our rules & even if it kills them, they do not intervene. My daughter threw a fit in front of my step-mom the other day - it was a massive fit!! One for the ages. And my step-mom told me she wanted to badly to step in and comfort my daughter, but didn't because I'm the mom.
Good luck! Sometimes being direct is the best anwser.
Good stuff. I hope to do that too when I'm a grandma. But wouldn't ya think that most every grandma said this? I wonder if it's really hard to do or something?
I guess I'll find out in another 2 or 3 years!
Amen Sister! Breathe now ok....you're making me worry you will pass out after that rant! Seriously tho isn't it such a waste of energy the things people will do for love & attention? Take care & hope all is going relatively well for you guys in the new year =)
Ha! Sorry hope not to scare anyone with this post BUT everyone is pretty good and has a life and does what they can when they can. AND THEN THERE"S MY M-I-L. I think she wants my son to be hers. She's very up in your life and thinks she gave birth to my kids or something. At counseling our counselor has stated that she has a personality disorder and she has NO BOUNDARIES and we need to be firm with her. She wants to be getting together all the time and taking my son all the time and it's O-V-E-R-K-I-L-L!!! My family and my husbands dad and step mom are all very laid back and not intrusive and feeling all entitled and whatnot.
Perhaps she wishes she could have a do-over. It happens sometimes.
Wish I had something useful.
:(
I didn't know your kids visited my mother-in-law! The two are eerily similar after reading what your counselor mentioned. Only I'm pretty sure she's bipolar, which hasn't been diagnosed and therefore not treated (oh, the stories I could tell!)
Actually, it's kind of thrown in my face that I DON'T have boundaries with my kids (according to some) because I parent differently.
So when they visit, they're automatically looked at as having to relearn proper etiquette and rules because I don't enforce any respect for furniture. Apparently. It's Nana's job to "correct" them, which is extremely hypocritical because she also allows everything else you mentioned.
Good luck. I can relate all too well.
My FIL is the worst, incidentally. And I thought I was the only one with this maddening problem.
Hey Natalie,
I fell your pain sistah! I am not really talking about the couch or bed or ottoman but the coffee table which has almost tipped over on his head, or the dresser or the kitchen table just so dangerous for tipping and falling off. Then too who wants dirty little shoes and feet on an eating surface? I feel like now I am laying the groundwork for life for my kids. If I teach him it's not OK to climb on the coffee table then it won't get wrecked, he or some other child won't get hurt, and he will be less inclined to climb on other peoples coffee tables. That kind of thing. My MIL has a fancy coffee table and they are not going to be too happy when he scratches it. I almost hope it does so they learn a lesson, ya know?
Hi Erin! Nice to meet you. I am adding you to my blog list right now. Hope it's the right one, I saw three. Sorry you have to deal with the same crap as some of us do. I have been talking to my friends lately about this and it seems to be a common problem with at least one in-law. Sigh! Maybe I should e-mail this post to my MIL? Ha! One can dream, can't one? Glad you stopped by and I will try to swing over to yours soon to read but I have a newborn and reading for leisure has taking a back burner lately. ((Hugs)) Always nice to make a new LEOW friend.
GUILTY!!!
I'm a grandma and there are times when my daughter is disciplining the kids and I step in or I spoil them a little too much when they come over and let them have stuff they aren't suppose to.I can't help it,but I don't over do it and if the discipline is REALLY necessary than I won't say a thing.I get the whole rule thing and I would be mad if someone intentionally did it to undermine my rules,so I'm with you on that.heres to having a happy medium someday!
ditto in the boundaris fohe ids thing... they couldnt figure our why after letting the kids eat what ever tey want (at all of 2 and 4) and stay up til 10 at night (when they go to bed at 7) why the little one puked on thier carpet! i have to admit they are getting a bit better with getting them to go to bed, but i still have to retrain them as to what the word no means when i get them home, and today i got the evil eye for telling my 4 year old to pick up her bottom lip when she was crying after said no to her 3rd biscuit right before dinner time, not to mention the "why not, its only one, she can have one I dont mind"
Small price to pay for their efforts babysitting and giving us time off though i guess (:
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