So lately I have a few things going on in my life that have my nerves on end. Cop Dad has been doing special training this week. One day in the Cook County Jail, (very rough place), and then a day working for Cook County Sheriff's Department working with Cook County Tactical Gangs Unit which put him in some of the slimiest spots in Chicago land. When I talked to him on his second day he was going to to a big drug buy from some thugs in a Chicago suburb. I typically don't worry for Cop dad too much. He's a very aggressive cop and is very good at what he does. He's a big guy and very strong and sharp both physically and mentally. I do worry from time to time and it's always in the back of my mind that one day things could change in an instant but I'm very confident in him from day to day and his safety. These two days I was worried though. Combine this with the fact that we have been dealing with the possibility that there could be something wrong with the baby. We have decided to pass on an amnio which would be the only way to know for sure besides birth. This now hangs over us wherever we go like a dark cloud. I go a few days doing pretty well, then, I have a bad day where I just can't shake the fear and worry. I think Cop Dad feels the same though he does not like to hear anything negative from me about it. We have decided not to share this info with most people in our lives. Mostly because there is no reason to get everyone all worried about something that "might" be. Another reason is that I feel that people with all their talking constantly about it on days I'd otherwise be doing well, will just make me more anxious than I would be if they didn't know at all. So we are hoping for the best and expecting the worst. We will be having a level 2 ultrasound on the 23 which can and may be able to show if there are problems or not. Still nothing is definite unless I had an amnio or gave birth.
This nervous energy thing is something I have always had. Whenever I have something in my life that is bothering me I get busy. I clean, cook, organize, purge crap, make gifts, etc. You name it, whatever I can do to keep busy and productive I'll do it.
In the last 2 weeks I have:
· Cleaned, reorganized, and purged crap from the garage and the shed.
· Cleaned out the medicine cabinet and linen closet (anyone need any unopened cough suppressant syrup or albuteral?).
· Gotten rid of various stuff around the house that I no longer like or use.
· Made 3 gifts for friends.
· Sent an actual hand written letter to a friend in Florida (can't remember the last time I did that).
· Baked brownies, chocolate chip bars, pumpkin bread, zucchini bread, brownies and brownies again (all from scratch and yes I do have a few but give most of them away).
· Made shrimp scampi (for the first time), pancakes (also from scratch), potato salad.
· Weeded approximately 2/3 of the yard, planted basil and nasturtium seeds, planted flowers.
· Had intentions of sewing pillow covers but do not have enough fabric in any one pattern for 2 18 inch pillows, BAGH!
I have my eye on many more things I want to clean out. I have been feeling a lot better now lately now that I'm in the second trimester just tired much of the time. Some days I get up with Little Buddy at 6:30 or 7 or so and feed him and me breakfast, wait til 9am, wake Cop Dad and go back to bed.
I think I get the nervous energy thing from my mother. She would always do this type of thing if she was worried or stressed. It really actually feels quite good to be productive when your brain is working on something. Just curious, anybody out there do this when their nerves are a frazzle? If not, how do you cope with nerves and problems that you can't get out of your head? Better go, I am personalizing a toiletry bag for my pal Becki who is in the Dells this weekend with her soaps in a Ziploc Baggie? The OB's office gave me a very nice black toiletry bag from the formula company so I am ironing on her initial and put little tassels on the zipper pulls, and now am going to fill the bag with a few overnight necessities that she may not already have. Hope she likes it :)
5 comments:
Oh, Sweetie! I wish there was something I could say to get you to relax, but there really isn't. You're going to always have that worry in the back of your head about your husband--no matter what you tell yourself.
I thought the 13 wk ultrasound showed everything was fine? But that's just the down's marker isn't it? Anyway. Talk to me if you need to. Vent, worry, cry away and I'll listen. In the meantime, ease up on the busy work--you're supposed to be taking it easy!
I don't really do the nervous energy thing. In some ways I wish that I did because then maybe something would get done around here. LOL
I'll be thinking good thoughts for you and the baby.
I so hope the level II U/S brings you and Cop Dad some peace of mind for the health of your baby. I have nervous energy and try to keep busy to help burn it off. Big ((Hugs)) take good care.
Reading about Cop Dad in the Cook County Jail had my heart pounding. It's like you said. You are confident in his abilities, and are sure everything will be just fine. BUT STILL!
I hope your nerves will be calmed on the 23rd and that everything will be okay.
Also, I really liked the comment you left on walking a thin blue line about when your hubby first became a cop. I've been putting a post together about similar stuff. It's been strange. The always soft, kind, have it together man suddenly with a serious case of the grumpies and impatience. . . It's been strange for sure. i know that he has lots of support an dpeople to talk to at work, but I'm wondering if it's with time he'll figure out how to deal with stuff. I would love to go to therapy or a class or something. I still haven't read that many books. I'm very sensitive and think everything is my fault when he's not happy. He's definitely changed somehow. I can't quite put my finger on it, but even though it was to be expected, it's still strange. . . more to come on this later. I would love if you did some posts on this, or we started a group discussion on this somehow. Maybe I'll bring it up on Police WIves Unite. They have a group discussion forum.
I hope you get comforting news on the 23rd, and can relax a bit. I'm super impressed with all you've accomplished though! I could use some energy like that. I totally get your decision not to tell people you see a lot -- that would definitely add to the stress.
(((Momma Val)))
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