A Guest Post From Cop Dad

Please help me in welcoming for the very first time (drumroll . . . . . . . . ) Cop Dad! Once in awhile when I am on the computer he hangs over my shoulder (when he wants to talk to me about something) and reads what's on the screen. The last time he was reading the comment I had left on Walking a Thin Blue Line's post titled, Social Life For LEO Fams. I felt a little nervous as his eyes made their way down the list. Not that I said anything that put him in a bad light or was untrue but that I was so very open and had put out some very personal things that we had learned through much trial and error over the last few years since he first became a cop. I was honest and do NOT think I know everything by any means, but also felt that if maybe someone could either read something that they could relate to (in my comment and/or anyone else's) or are struggling with and benefit from, then that is what this whole blog thing is about, right? Helping each other out and sharing with others what your journey is about. It has been invaluable for me to have a circle of fellow LEO wives and LEO's too who can talk about what their experience's are like and often times relate to, sometimes disagree, and sometimes just learn from others about what it's like to be married and have a family with anyone in law enforcement. And I think that the anonymity of blogging definitely lets you share more than in real life, at least for me.

Anyway, he liked my comment and agreed with it wholeheartedly. I then asked him if he would be interested in doing a guest post about the same general topic and he at first said no, then asked me a day or two later if I still wanted him to write one. I was thrilled. I figured that many LEO's that blog or do guest posts for their wives do not want to spill their guts about much of anything regarding home/family/marriage life, especially on the internet. That being said I felt that it would be very helpful for anyone who is married to an LEO to hear a bit of what it's like from their side, seeing as though we are almost always hearing it from the women's sides on here. He tossed around some really good titles and then the very last one he came up with was, "Don't Let The Badge Define You." I loved it right away, but then also told him that I wanted to really grab reader's attention and title the post "A Guest Post From Cop Dad." He agreed. Without further ado.

My wife asked me to write a guest post several days ago and I said, “No way, absolutely not, it will never happen”. Ha. Here I am. Don’t ask me why I decided to write this because I don’t have an answer. I don’t even know what to write about. I’ve been reading my wife’s blog more often lately and looking at her cop wife friends’ posts and another cop that writes blogs so I decided I would give it a shot. First a blurb about being a cop, then the important stuff about being a good husband and father.

PART 1:
I’m second-generation law enforcement. I was raised in a cop household. My father was a police officer for 30 years in the Chicagoland area. He started the police academy in 1978, three months before I was born. I grew up around the police department and wanted nothing more in life than to follow in my idol’s footsteps and become a cop.

Being a cop was a lot different back then. Cops were much more free to dish out some old school justice on the streets. The bad guy wouldn't even get arrested half the time but he would walk away from the encounter with a new found respect for the police. The bad guys certainly wouldn’t be taping the encounter with their cell phones, filing a lawsuit or calling to complain to a supervisor because an officer accidentally said the “F” word when yelling at him to drop his knife.

Today’s world is the most difficult time in the history of LE to be a cop. The above example of using the “F” word to a man holding a knife and then having a complaint filed was is no joke. In my department the complaint would go nowhere, but it’s just the fact that these bad guys think they are smarter than us. The world expects us to deal with the worst of the worst on a daily basis and then call them sir or ma’am. LE actually emphasizes in training nowadays that when yelling commands at a guy with a gun or knife or whatever that we should really work on not swearing and possibly throwing in the work sir or ma’am. Oh, really. Watching my language is my last concern. The first would be keeping a bullet from entering my body with any means necessary. But in their defense, their theory is that if you do end up shooting the bad guy then any witnesses will only remember the swear word that you said or the tone of your voice and nothing else thus making you look really bad.

That being said, this is still the best job ever. I love it. I get paid to chase and fight with bad guys and drive fast – very, very fast. Every day is different.

I really think you need a Type A personality to be a cop. I mean, who else gets off on telling people what to do and hoping to get into physical altercations if someone doesn’t listen. There is nothing quite like going to a house on a domestic and walking to the front door and being greeted by a pissed off intoxicated husband telling me, “You’re not coming in here asshole, this is my house.” I can’t help but smile to myself because I know what is coming next and the scary thing is that I can’t wait to do it. It usually starts with me saying, “No, this is my house now!” or “Get the “F” out of my way”! Followed by a palm heel strike to the chest, a straight-arm bar take down and the bad guy falling down and me putting him in handcuffs. It’s now always that smooth but you get the picture.

PART 2:
I tell my wife all the time, “You are the reason for my success.” It’s true. I’ve been blessed with an incredibly beautiful, patient, caring, loving, understanding and nurturing wife. Anyone else would have left me by now. I realized that and took corrective action on my part. But it requires constant work. I can’t let down because Officer Cop Dad takes over in my mind and I treat my family like bad guys.

Living the life of a cop is what I would imagine someone with Bi-Polar Disorder lives with. It’s constantly one extreme to the other: One minute I am chasing and wrestling some dirt bag from the city who just stole a bottle of vodka from the liquor store and two hours later I am cuddling, hugging, kissing and tickling my beautiful two year old Little Buddy being as gentle as I can be. These are two different extremes within two hours of each other. This is why it so important to work so hard on separating cop/work from husband/dad/home.

Although that Type A personality is exactly what makes us good police officers, it is also exactly what makes us lousy husbands. Luckily there are a lot of things that can be done to keep a marriage strong, but they require us not being stubborn and managing our pride. A list of the qualities that I feel are important to constantly work on for cop dads/husbands:

1. Separation of cop/work from husband/dad/home. It’s not easy but necessary.
2. Patience, Patience, Patience. Did I say patience?
3. Teamwork
4. Fairness
5. Understanding
6. Develop/sustain a healthy hobby (i.e. I like to jog/strength train)
7. Make any time spent with your family quality time. You never know how much you have left. Already this year we have lost 101 brothers and sisters.
8. Be careful of the amount of OT and side jobs you work. Nothing will detach you from your family faster than never being home.
9. Always place family first. Fact is, no one cares for you and loves you like your family. I’m sorry if you disagree, but you will never experience the love and sacrifice and loyalty that your family gives you from any other human beings.
10. Being a cop doesn’t define what type of man I am. Being a great husband and father absolutely defines what type of man I am.
11. See a counselor. It’s not easy. I had to swallow my pride and tell this person all of the embarrassing things about my marriage but it helped dramatically.

There is so much to cover I could go on forever, but I won’t. I would just like to say to my fellow cops: Don’t ever let the job come before your family…it’s just a job. And to my fellow cops wives: Just know that you are the reason for the success that most of us have achieved and without you we will most likely fall to pieces. Don’t give up on us.