So, I am always on the quest for other cops wives I can relate to. I find that often times I am struggling being one. I'm not sure if it's just cause I'm who I am or maybe the typical woman that ends up being a cops wife is a "special" kind of woman, or what? BUT, it is not fun or fabulous or great for me (and often Little Buddy) really at all. I try to make the best of it and support Cop Dad because this was his dream but I do often find myself thinking, "I did NOT sign up for this!" Perhaps again, this is something I have to work harder on? I just remember who I married and miss the person who I feel that died when they entered the academy. Instead of a kind and down-to-earth guy who is happy to have days off and feels closer to me and family than anyone else, it seems that I now have the complete opposite. I tire daily of all the cynicism, the extremely critical nature, the detachment, the mind being elsewhere, the "tough" front, and ALL the negativity about life. I am sure to disappoint many of my readers with this post who are always very positive in many/most of their posts. I just am very honest and open and CANNOT hide what I really feel. This is me. I let my husband know when I feel hurt, jipped, disrespected, etc. I absolutely do not feel that he is more worthy or important because he works or for what he does. I work too, and I have made oodles of sacrifices for him, our family, or life and myself. It is beyond me when couples attempt to function any other way. Our marriage counselor says that can be very destructive to any relationship. Call it a character flaw, pregnancy hormones, or lack of meds (cause I do not believe in them).
OK, just as you think this is way to honest or bitchy or whatever, I will tell you that when I do sit and talk with other cops wives, it is near identical in what I have written here. I used to think it was just me, but not anymore. I have a friend that is also a cops wife who seems so happy and in love with her cop hubby. I did not at all feel like telling her what I feel but one day in desperation I called her to ask what their secret is and she laughed. She said it was an illusion and that it is a constant struggle and that he is very obsessed with the PD and drops her like a hot rock when any cop stuff comes up. She has nearly left him a few times for the very same stuff! She has even contemplated starting a family due to all the stress that is present in the house without them.
Not that I want to focus on the negative but I wonder if many LEO wives are often trying to keep it upbeat due to the opposite in their lives? Perhaps life as a LEOW is different if you live way out in the country and not near all the crime of the city? Dunno. I just know that it has been the hardest thing I have ever done and it has taken a huge toll on our family and our marriage.
This was written so that you can either feel relieved that you have something that is so much more fabulous and wonderful, or so that you can breathe a sigh of relief cause you can relate. That's all. Just "Keeping It R-E-A-L!"
Garden Progress 2026
1 week ago
5 comments:
Right...so you are perfectly aware of how "gracefully" I handle being a LE wife (rolling my eyes). However (in the keeping it real vein) from reading this and other similar posts of yours, your husband needs to make some boundaries. There had to be a balance between Husband/Dad/Cop. There also has to be some middle ground with the cynicism and negativity. Is there anyone at the department he can talk to? Someone who *knows* cops?
Sean has always been cynical. I just roll my eyes at him. But, my god! If his phone rings with a call out on his day off-AGAIN-I'm going to be pissed! And then I'll get over it, 'cause me being pissed does no good.
And, once again, I've been no help at all. :D
Well, you KNOW that I'm not in any way, shape or form an 'uber-supportive' wife. The "his job is really important and I just need to be supportive" b.s. is what nearly ruined out marriage. Quite honestly, it should be the other way around... our job is thankless and we put up with a ton of crap and THEY should work doubly hard to make us feel cherished and important. (I'll keep waiting!)
Most of us know that the sugary-sweet "our life is so perfect" dream world doesn't last much longer than, say five-ish years. After that, it's just another damn job with a ton of drags on your time and family life. And that the "oh, my husband is a cop" moments come fewer and farther between.
I wouldn't trade it, but it is what it is. And it ISN'T a fairy tale.
Peace out chica, stand your ground and make sure that he's not hanging around with "anti-wife" assholes. Of which there are plenty. (Seems like I'm as helpful as Dori!)
I think it is totally OK for you to blog about these feelings. YOu need to keep it real. A lot of what you write here does resonate with me, I do try to stay positive at my blog because it helps me feel more positive, writing about my negative feelings, ALL THE TIME, would have the opposite effect. But I do, and have vented. It is important.
I think a big key is if you have kids. Hubs and I were talking about this the other day, now it is handleable, with no kids, but protities would have to change should there ever be kids.
Thank you ALL! I am just relieved I do have others in my boat to one degree or another. I think most of my posts are not terribly negative BUT I do like to say it like it is and so seldom blog about frustration with the PD/COP thingy. I do not candy coat my comments and maybe that can bother people BUT I very often hear appreciation from LEOW's when I say it like it is. I cannot imagine dying on the inside and keeping it all flowery. At first I would read alot of flowery stuff about the hero and how important THEY were and feel that I was really some kind of freak and we had such a horrible life. Thanks to all who have commented here in complete honesty. I am trying to make the best out of this and am determined to make it work. I do believe that the next year or so may be the worst with starting a family and the new cop career and hope that in time things will improve. I know that being married to a cop, and having kids and being married to a recovered alcoholic will make for alot more work than many other marriages. So, thanks for K.I.R. I am thankful that I have each of the blog friends I do have that read and comment from the heart and with sincere honesty. It makes me tick :)
Well, what doesn't kill you either makes you stronger or a better shot. :)
Post a Comment